Archive for March, 2010

You Go Out The Front I Come In The Back

Friday, March 26th, 2010

You Go Out The Front I Come In The Back features the voice of the lovely Elyse Connery. The song is pretty self explanatory. Relationships are like telephone connections circa 1925.  Sometimes you’d get the person you’d want to talk to, sometimes you’d get someone else, but it always would be a confusing, static sounding mess.

Waking on the wrong side of the bed
last night’s 15 ales are in my head
try to figure out what comes with that
you go out the front I come in the back.
You go out the front I come in the back
I go out the front you come in the back
to say that we are lost is a matter of fact
you/I go out the front you/I go in the back
Monkey see and monkey always do
I’ve got you figured out but you’ve got no clue
never ending battle with yourself
need to get some professional help

First Day Of My Demise

Wednesday, March 24th, 2010

First Day Of My Demise is about love. Actually it’s about giving up. That’s a sad way to approach love.

This song has been somewhat my mantra since I first wrote it many years ago. It’s more of a prophecy than a philosophy.  When was that first day of my demise? Have I even had it yet? I think so. I believe, at this point in my life, that it was the first day I decided that love was a tangible thing. If you ever read any of the lyrics of my old mid-90s grunge band hHead you’d know that many of them were about a disdain for love. Total bullshit. I’m old enough to know now that there was no disdain, just fear. I used to think it was just a chemical reaction in the body. I don’t think that’s so anymore. I believe love is an emotion and emotions are more then chemical. We are more than chemical and I don’t mean that in a new-agey fucked-up hippie way. I believe in the ‘soul’ in the sense that it’s something intangible but none the less real.

Love is the most vulnerable of all the emotions. Is it learned like awkwardness? I don’t think so. It’s more innate like shame. Though just like shame, you can learn to not feel it. Those of us who walk around ‘soulless’ are probably just loveless or lovelost. I believe (at this moment, who know’s if tomorrow I’ll want to delete this) that love is: feeling (the soul’s body), thought (the soul’s head) and empathy (the soul’s limbs).

I once had a dream
but it fell apart on me
locust brain devours
the mystery of the hours
but I can take care of my own
shepherd to my flock
the solace gone the pain is all I’ve got
the sun is strong and it burns into my eyes
as I welcome the first day of my demise.
hold on tight I say
so you don’t blow away
instead you get too weighted down
and left bolted to the ground
was it the idea that left us behind
how could I have learned just what was on your mind
though we felt the same I saw a distance in your eyes
that’s why I welcome the first day of my demise.
stasis in the path
the life I cannot grasp
instead I let go
don’t understand though I know
that I can’t wait for this I feel I’m getting old
I must find bliss but the water’s getting cold
the coffee pot has whistled far too many times
I must not avoid the first day of my demise.

Dust On The Dashboard

Thursday, March 18th, 2010

Dust On The Dashboard is a country song. It’s about jumping in a old car, driving away and leaving it all behind forever. Of course, in classic old school country fashion, it’s just a metaphor for ‘things are so fucked up here that I’ve got to leave so I can go fuck it up there too’. The chorus says it all “From the back seat I see, that I grip the wheel firmly. It’s me driving me”. Again, classic self loathing bullshit. Frankly, I’m not going anywhere and neither are you cause we’re too drunk and too lazy to actually figure out where to go, how to get there and what we’re going to do when we get there. Besides, this is totally schizo cause the ‘we’ is just me. I’m confused.

For no reason here’s a pic of me drunk out of my mind dressed up like a fly.

See the dust on the dashboard
and the paint’s given away to rust
but I give him $200
and drive it off the lot.
I don’t know where I’m going
but I know I’m not alone
behind me is familar
ahead is unknown.
From the backseat I see
that I grip the wheel firmly
cause it’s me driving me.
I tell myself I’m leaving
but really I’m going away
this road’s got me believing
that it would be a waste to stay.
Am I driving around in circles
through a long distance trail
does it lead me back to the alter
or does it lead me to the jail.
From the backseat I see
that I grip the wheel firmly
cause it’s me driving me.

Morningstar

Tuesday, March 16th, 2010

Morningstar is song written from the perspective of Lucifer’s roommate in heaven. The Latin translation of ‘Lucifer’ is “light-bearer” somewhere in the Bible he’s referred to as the morning star. I looked it up, here is the passage “How you have fallen from heaven, O morning star, son of the dawn!”.  Since I grew up Jew-Ish, I didn’t learn about the devil or hell, however if you’ve ever been to a Orthodox Seder (and you’re not Orthodox) it’s not too hard to imagine that Hell is probably something close to that. Personally, I subscribe to the Sartre version of hell. I hear they just made No Exit into a movie. I’m sure it’s gonna suck.

I stil don’t have the songs sounding like I want to. Maybe this recording one mic to tape in my apartment is a bad idea. I might have to go back to my studio. What’s the point of doing this if they sound crappy?

I don’t have an appropriate picture for this post so here is a picture of me at 15.

Dear Morningstar how are you
been thinking about you since the day you left
I kinda miss your antics
and the way you always made me laugh
and I’ve been thinking about the last thing
you told me before you fell
better to experience a failure
than always do it well
it’s freezing here in heaven
hope you’re warm and happy raising shit in hell.

I was frightened when I first arrived
was nervous and I didn’t know a thing
ignored by Mike and Gabriel
you welcomed me and helped me into my wings
you were more than just a teacher
you were my friend as well
and now that you’re gone I miss you
more than I can tell
it’s freezing here in heaven
hope you’re warm and happy raising shit in hell.

I can’t take this any longer
can’t hear another ringing bell
they call this a kingdom
but it’s just a prison cell
it’s freezing here in heaven
hope you’re warm and happy raising shit in hell
it’s freezing here in heaven
hope you morningstar is glowing bright in hell.