Archive for January, 2012

Spoke In Your Wheel

Wednesday, January 25th, 2012

Spoke In Your Wheel: Before I get to the story, a caveat. This song uses the chord progression of G, C, D which is about as common as it gets, so, if it sounds like 500 other songs that’s why. I can’t quite recall which those songs are at the moment but feel free to email or comment me and let me know.

Last spring my dear and lovely friend Ashley, who resides in Nashville but was visiting me here in Toronto, was accompanying me on a motorbike ride. We made it not more than two blocks before my motorcycle starting spewing gasoline out its manifold or engine block or what have ya. Not wanting to spend anymore time riding a rolling molatov cocktail, we pulled over into the nearest alleyway and called for assistance.

While I was waiting for the tow, I decided to go locate my bicycle which was locked up somewhere in the area but I wasn’t sure where on account of the fact that I had rode it to the bar some nights earlier but then had forgotten about it after a number of bourbons.

I located said peddler and rode it back to the motorcycle. The tow-man was already loading it on to the truck. I hopped on my bike and Ashley rode in the tow the two blocks (they were long blocks) back to my house. Upon arrival and after unloading the motorbike we popped into my automobile and drove to our original intended destination.

Now, I had put my bicycle into the alleyway while unloading the motorcycle and completely forgot about it. In fact, I didn’t remember till a few days later when of course, it was long gone. I lamented the loss of my bike but figured it was my stupidity that lead to it’s disappearance so ces’t la vie.

Upon acceptance, a few days later, that my bike was gone forever, I decided to take a stroll to the local bike store and price a new one. As I turned the corner to walk, not even a few paces to the store, I saw a pair of handlebars and a bell sticking out from the side of a building. As I got closer I realized they both look awfully familiar. Lo and behold it was my bike, just sitting there, unlocked but a week after I had lost her.

After the initial shock wore off, I hoped on the bike and high-tailed it outta there. I went directly to the local blood bank and donated a few pints to pay back the forces at large that reunited me with my two-wheeled, human powered beauty.

That’s the story and all truth. Now, what does it have to do with the song? Well, nothing other than the fact that the song is kind of about a bike. Actually it’s not about a bike at all but I’ll let you figure that one out.

This song features some backups by Claire, Andrew and Milan. Thanks guys!

Am I just a spoke in your wheel
Am I just a spoke in your wheel
wish I was a bell on your bar
to signal wherever you are

To show you I love you
but you just don’t care
I’m trying to inflate
but I have no air
If I broke off it wouldn’t break the seal
Cause I’m just one spoke in your wheel

Am I just a spoke in your wheel
Am I just a spoke in your wheel
Not even the pad in your break
Can stop you from speeding away

While I’m feeling more
You’re just feeling the same
I’m greasing it up
but you’re breaking the chain
just one of many not a big deal
I’m just a spoke in your wheel

One little part of your whole frame
you’re in my heart but I’m in your brain
I’m peddling for you but you cannot feel
cause I’m just one spoke in your wheel

Am I just a spoke in your wheel
Am I just a spoke in your wheel
you barely know I was born
and I want to be honking your horn

I draw a straight line that has no end
but you’re circling me as a facebook friend
I’m trying to stand out but I cannot appeal
cause I’m just a spoke in your wheel

Am I just a spoke in your wheel.

Oh I’d take your heart but I cannot steal
I’m just a spoke in your wheel

Am I just a spoke in your wheel.

Social Suicide

Tuesday, January 17th, 2012

Social Suicide: I love my friends but sometimes, I don’t like them.

Dreaming about moments
long since past
something made of nothing
that just won’t last

It’s just like dying
as it all flashes before your eyes

Just been existing
but i hardly breathe
and I feel I’ve been giving
only a small part of me

And it’s just like living
it’s all a compromise

I cannot relax
with all these knives in my back
and I cannot see
while your blinding me

To hell with my pride
i’ll commit
social suicide

Sick of excuses
while I’m messing about
stuck with the affliction
fear of missing out

It’s a vicious circle
when you’re stuck inside a square

Surrounded by people
completely alone
when honest conversation
turns into broken telephone

It’s a hard realization
that you’ve got fear of being there

I cannot relax
when all these dicks poke my back
and I cannot feed
while your starving me

Oh too hell with the pride
i’ll commit social suicide

Broken pieces i cannot glue back
the memories are lost
speeding train running outta track
it’s time just to jump off
round trip ticket is now one way
time to step aside

And commit social suicide!

Indian Summer

Wednesday, January 4th, 2012

Indian Summer: It’s been two years since I left a 15 year relationship. I allowed myself 15 months of recovery. A month for every year. During that time I could make any mistake, experience anything I wanted to and it didn’t count. Meaning, that I’d not allow myself to regret anything. In theory it made sense. We need time to normalize after a relationship, especially long ones. A month per year is no steadfast rule but it’s what I went with.

During that time I experienced two short relationships and one longer one, the first person I’ve ever called a girlfriend. I learned a lot about relationships during that time. I’m no less confused about them though. We have this idea of soul-mates and that love is forever and so many of us are looking for a relationship as such. What is forever in our life? We’re not forever. Nothing around us that we can realize with our senses is forever. So why would a relationship be?

Can we enter a relationship knowing that there will be a middle and an end? Is that acceptable? Since it’s statically probable (super fucking sorry for the “Dr.” Phil link) that what ever relationship you’re in right now is going to end then wouldn’t you be better off going into the relationship knowing this? Wouldn’t it make the moments all the more precious? Of course it would but we don’t. We couldn’t. We continue to subscribe to the forever myth and then find excuses when it doesn’t last like “It wasn’t the one”. Well maybe it was and there will be another one.

Photo by Warren P. Sonoda

It’s an indian summer
some spell that I am under
and the kiss to my temple
as a friend no longer lover

And I must confess
that I over dressed
even though I had nowhere to be
no, I don’t want you back
but I wonder if that
you would leave him for me

Need a cold blast of winter
to snap me out of this sombre
and a break for my liver
just a day that I stay sober

And I hate to bear
that I was more than aware
of what you wanted from me
and in spite of the fact
that i don’t want you back
would you leave him to be

Back in my arms
and lying in my bed
those sunday mornings
with the paper read
warm under covers
on winter days
drinking wine
Motown records play

Oh I tried to love you but it just didn’t come
the more you pushed I just came undone
but it’s nothing you did or who you are
It’s just the old wounds that still bear the scar
It’s just the old wounds that still bear the scar

It was a warm October
though I know that it’s over
i’m still feeling the flashback
with the chill of November

And I still believe
that you’re still dear to me
even though it’s not meant to be
I know you don’t want me back
but in spite of that fact
would you leave him for me