Indian Summer

Indian Summer: It’s been two years since I left a 15 year relationship. I allowed myself 15 months of recovery. A month for every year. During that time I could make any mistake, experience anything I wanted to and it didn’t count. Meaning, that I’d not allow myself to regret anything. In theory it made sense. We need time to normalize after a relationship, especially long ones. A month per year is no steadfast rule but it’s what I went with.

During that time I experienced two short relationships and one longer one, the first person I’ve ever called a girlfriend. I learned a lot about relationships during that time. I’m no less confused about them though. We have this idea of soul-mates and that love is forever and so many of us are looking for a relationship as such. What is forever in our life? We’re not forever. Nothing around us that we can realize with our senses is forever. So why would a relationship be?

Can we enter a relationship knowing that there will be a middle and an end? Is that acceptable? Since it’s statically probable (super fucking sorry for the “Dr.” Phil link) that what ever relationship you’re in right now is going to end then wouldn’t you be better off going into the relationship knowing this? Wouldn’t it make the moments all the more precious? Of course it would but we don’t. We couldn’t. We continue to subscribe to the forever myth and then find excuses when it doesn’t last like “It wasn’t the one”. Well maybe it was and there will be another one.

Photo by Warren P. Sonoda

It’s an indian summer
some spell that I am under
and the kiss to my temple
as a friend no longer lover

And I must confess
that I over dressed
even though I had nowhere to be
no, I don’t want you back
but I wonder if that
you would leave him for me

Need a cold blast of winter
to snap me out of this sombre
and a break for my liver
just a day that I stay sober

And I hate to bear
that I was more than aware
of what you wanted from me
and in spite of the fact
that i don’t want you back
would you leave him to be

Back in my arms
and lying in my bed
those sunday mornings
with the paper read
warm under covers
on winter days
drinking wine
Motown records play

Oh I tried to love you but it just didn’t come
the more you pushed I just came undone
but it’s nothing you did or who you are
It’s just the old wounds that still bear the scar
It’s just the old wounds that still bear the scar

It was a warm October
though I know that it’s over
i’m still feeling the flashback
with the chill of November

And I still believe
that you’re still dear to me
even though it’s not meant to be
I know you don’t want me back
but in spite of that fact
would you leave him for me

Comments

comments

One Response to “Indian Summer”

  1. jillian says:

    Noah, this resonates such truth. Thank you.

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