I’ve recently returned from a trip to Hawaii. I was there for 10 days with three other people. Hawaii is as beautiful as you’d think it would be. Some call it paradise. From the moment I touched the ground on that first day I felt somewhat different. It would have been very hard to explain at the time, but if I were to describe it now I’d say that I felt exposed. Not physically, but emotionally. It was confusing.

There is a family friend who lives on Maui. My two brothers and my parents know her well but I had never met her. 5 days into my trip I had a crisis. I completely flipped my wig. I contacted Janine, the family friend, and told her about my meltdown. She wrote me this: “Hawaii always has a way of “the reveal” or bringing things to the surface… it’s strange… It’s probably because it’s an active volcano”.

A couple days later, the host of the house we were staying at was showing us around and she said to us unsolicited, “The elements of Hawaii don’t let you ignore the problems and the wrong inside you or around you. They force you to deal with it. It’s not always pleasant. Ultimately it’s not as important how you deal with it as it is how you come out the other side”.

It’s been a couple of weeks since my trip. I’m not fully recovered from “the reveal” as Janine put it. I’m not quite yet on “the other side” as our host explained. I’m still working through what happened, how I felt and where I will go from here. This song is part of that work.



take a breath
then take another one I guess
step by step
walk it off hold on to what’s left
now write it down
don’t forget what it’s about
take a breath
hold it in then let it out

every step I take
is one step away

fall asleep
well when the drugs hit i mean
can it be that you’re just too hard to reach
so just suspend, let it go and burn it up in this volcano
but final things are only final when they end

every step I take
is one step away

and every move i make
is one move away
every heart i break
is one break away
every single day
is one last day away
and every step I take
is one step away



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