First Day Of My Demise

First Day Of My Demise is about love. Actually it’s about giving up. That’s a sad way to approach love.

This song has been somewhat my mantra since I first wrote it many years ago. It’s more of a prophecy than a philosophy.  When was that first day of my demise? Have I even had it yet? I think so. I believe, at this point in my life, that it was the first day I decided that love was a tangible thing. If you ever read any of the lyrics of my old mid-90s grunge band hHead you’d know that many of them were about a disdain for love. Total bullshit. I’m old enough to know now that there was no disdain, just fear. I used to think it was just a chemical reaction in the body. I don’t think that’s so anymore. I believe love is an emotion and emotions are more then chemical. We are more than chemical and I don’t mean that in a new-agey fucked-up hippie way. I believe in the ‘soul’ in the sense that it’s something intangible but none the less real.

Love is the most vulnerable of all the emotions. Is it learned like awkwardness? I don’t think so. It’s more innate like shame. Though just like shame, you can learn to not feel it. Those of us who walk around ‘soulless’ are probably just loveless or lovelost. I believe (at this moment, who know’s if tomorrow I’ll want to delete this) that love is: feeling (the soul’s body), thought (the soul’s head) and empathy (the soul’s limbs).

I once had a dream
but it fell apart on me
locust brain devours
the mystery of the hours
but I can take care of my own
shepherd to my flock
the solace gone the pain is all I’ve got
the sun is strong and it burns into my eyes
as I welcome the first day of my demise.
hold on tight I say
so you don’t blow away
instead you get too weighted down
and left bolted to the ground
was it the idea that left us behind
how could I have learned just what was on your mind
though we felt the same I saw a distance in your eyes
that’s why I welcome the first day of my demise.
stasis in the path
the life I cannot grasp
instead I let go
don’t understand though I know
that I can’t wait for this I feel I’m getting old
I must find bliss but the water’s getting cold
the coffee pot has whistled far too many times
I must not avoid the first day of my demise.



2 Responses to “First Day Of My Demise”

  1. Scott says:

    Nice one man – just published on my FB.

    • Noah says:

      Holy shit what was I on last night? I’m not quite sure where what I wrote came from. I’ve never said that before… I’ve never even thought of that. Fuck me.

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